Love Letter which was never send - Part II

She picked up the call, yes it was him…. She was so content after hearing his voice. A tear roll-down from her cheek initially she missed few words, rather sentences what he was saying. She felt that she was so much in love with him. And he shouted “ u there”

“yep”

“I want to say u something, what I guess is our relationship is not working fine”

“????”

“I mean I don’t feel the same way “

“What does that mean?”

“hey no need to cry or do some drama, what I want u to say is I am not able to love u the way I use to. Now things are different.”

“Suddenly why are you saying so?” *a tear roll down from her eyes”

“Because you were not there when I was in pain, I asked you so many times to come down here, you always wanted me to cuddle you, and most importantly you did nothing for me. And now I have started comparing you with my friend, d girl next door. She is younger to you, still she has done so many things in her life .. blah blah blah….”

Her heart felt a jolt and all the memories flashes back in her mind.

“You there, there???? See now u don’t wish to listen what I am saying, ok what I want to say is I can’t take this anymore. Its over, its over”

beep beep beep beep. The phone gets dead.

She sits on the floor then and there itself…..

Love Letter which was never send

Honey ,

As they say nothing is free in this world so my letter too comes with a terms and conditions. Which I would be mentioning afterwards.. :-)

I know I am not so good in framing words and sharing my feelings, but honey I expect that you'll understand what I meant..

I love you with everything I have... And I love everything you do for me.

I love the way you behave too sweetly, even if you don't like my actions...

I love the different names by which you call me...

I love when you scold me and you want me to be perfect.

I love you even more when you say U want to marry me...

I love when you say all your heart out...

I love you more when you share bitter part of your life

And my feelings are growing stronger...with every move you make.

You are the first thing I think of each morning when I rise, And you are the last thing I think of when I close my eyes in the night

You are my guardian angel you always make me smile.. Your eyes are so pure and true.

And your voice makes me melt. Especially when you say I love you..

You've touched my heart and soul....

I am totally a different girl from the day you came in to my life..

Nothing seems to be impossible in your love..

Just knowing that you care
makes me feel like I am in seventh heaven

(And Sweetheart now the terms and conditions.....)

What I expect from you is just love me, Even if I am not at my best virtues.

Some times my mood would not be good.. At times I would cry.

And I could be rude when I am down..

I may not speak or may say bitter words when I am angry..

Please do not get hurt because that time I might be out of my mind..

Honey, I just want you to be there with me and do forgive me.

I want to spend my life in your arms..

Wish you were here...!!

While writing this my heart is pounding...!!!

Thanks for loving me...

Yours….

{She was about to complete writing this letter and the phone rang}

Wish you were there

If you were there honey from the start

How much I could have enjoyed my life’s every part

I wish you were with me from childhood time,

We could have played ghar ghar where I would be your wife.

If you were there when I was in my adolescence

Then I could have share my chocolates and cakes

If you were there honey from the start

How much I could have enjoyed my life’s every part

And the time would have move ahead while playing the games

And sooner we would have enter our teenage,

You would have grown handsome and taller

And I might have become prettier and smarter ;)

we would have passed our schools together,

And we would be always with each other,

If you were there honey from the start

How much I could have enjoyed my life’s every part

In college we would be sitting on same bench,

Sooner and later we would have fall in love

After graduation we could have search our job,

And we would have settled in a downtown.

If you were there honey from the start

How much I could have enjoyed my life’s every part

We could have married each other,

And our childhood games would have turn into reality

We would have blossom each moment,

Together … since the childhood..

If you were there honey from the start

How much I could have enjoyed my life’s every part

But as some1 said its never too late,

After so long wait

I have you in my life

And here I say I wanna spend my rest life with you

And then there no looking back.

no looking back ,

no looking back…..

“ And then my phone rings, I get up and realize it was just a dream, life is not so simple as this poem.”

Poem

So people as I had promised, here is my own poem which I wrote 2 years back, But it is still close to my heart .. so here it goes :) :)

And do suggest a relevant title to it ...

*****????********

दिल मे कितनी बाते है,

इनको मै कहु कहा?

जो मेरे पास राज़ है,

ऊसे मै खोलु कहा?

मन् मे इतने दुख है,

उन्हे दफ़नाऊ कहा?

जो खुशियान है,

उन्हे मै बाटु कहा?

कितनी यादे है,

उन्हे सहजकर रखु कहा?

दिल मे जो दद्र् है,

उसे दिखलाऊ कहा?

मन मे जो सवाल है,

उसका जवाब ढुढु कहा?

बुरी आदते भी है,

पर उन्हे मै भुलाऊ कहा?

मेरे सपनो का घर ,

मै बसाऊ कहा,

लगता है किसी साथी की तलाश है,

पर उसे मै तलाशु कहा?

- नेहा

Is this God expecting from us?

Last weekend went to Shirdi, Nashik and Trabakeshwar. Visiting this places after almost 3 year and was shock that how come these pilgrimages are getting converted into the money hub.

The Shirdi temple was full of gold. While doing darshan, I overheard that recently some big personality donated this gold crown which cost around 75 lakhs. And my mind started wandering from that moment. Then in my whole trip I was just thinking that what’s going on this sacred land.

We proceed to trambakeshwar which was our next destination and here what I see was worst. They don’t allow us to go inside the main temple. If you don’t want to wait in queue for your turn then you have to pay 1000 bucks..!!! and every pandit is busy in kalsarpa yog pooja .. Whatever, I agree that this is there bread and butter. But when I go inside the temple what I see the temple is not clean. And there is a spider web inside the main temple which was growing bigger. No cleanliness. And people are donating milk in litres to the idol which is simply going wasted with water. And everywhere the smell was milky milky.

Till now my mind was so upset that I came outside the temple and didn’t felt like going back. Here in India people are poor that they don’t get one time meal and here gallons of milk is going in drainage!!

Is this what God wants? I guess God never said that he wants gold crown or milky abhishek’s . He wants us to do something for the needy. People donating gold to temples can instead open the school or hospitals.

Oh ghosh ..!! Simply amazing how people go crazy in donating things in temple to please god!!

And then I realised why my father is never interested in going or donating something in temples.

Why my mother calls maid’s children for lunch on festival. Why my parents go to old age home on my grandfather’s death anniversary instead of calling the society people or the so called Brahmins and do show off.

I am not saying that one should not visit the temple or should not believe in god. But I am saying that we people should think logically and practically.

Sometimes I feel I amso lucky ? Because I am not born in that family who just blindly believes and do things which people suggest like : Doing this pooja, donating this, Wearing this.. blah blah

People No offence but I personally don’t believe in these stuff. Or probably my upbringing was like that.

Anyways,. Friends we live in India, the nation which has so many inspirations. Even I too know few of them personally. Just wanna convey that people please please wake up.

This is not God is expecting from us. We have to change ourselves and the society for better cause. What you think?

Just we have to question ourselves that “Is this What God is expecting from us?” And I guess you will get the answer.

I have decided to do something from my side and I have started working for it.

By the way earlier I never use to think these stuff. I guess I am growing now :)

When I look back now..

This weekend went to near by bazaar and saw kids doing shopping.

Soon realized that schools are going to start…. The market was full with the school bag of pokemon , doremon and all d new and Chinese cartoons. (Sorry I can’t remember their names) … Whatever but it reminded me of my school time..

Awww what the beautiful phase of life it was………..!!!

Wondering will those days will come again???

Remembering the school times and the most awaited summer vacation.

How cool the life was..! No worries .. no tensions..

Ofcourse homework was but still its is far more better than the office work ;-) Isn’t it ..??

There was so much to learn those days... like how to Ride a cycle, play games, Sing prayers, obey elders, respect teachers, welcome guests, talk politely, share our toys and things and most importantly to say thank you and sorry where ever needed :-)

And yeah..!! We had so many reasons to go on 1^st day of school, to show our friends new bag, new bottle, new uniform and of course new lunchbox. Arrey.. how could I forget the new compass box and the items inside it, the jel pens, eraser with brush, pencils..!!aww small small things..!

Even in rainy season, u always wanted to go school so that u can wear ur rain coats, or u will get chance to use ur umbrella which u always insist to hold it all by urself and carry it wherever u go.

I still remember in rainy days me and my sister use to make the paper boats while eating the yummy and hot hot pakodas with chutni. And when the rains would stop.. we would go out and put those handmade boats in water.. it use flow with the stream of road water. wow Still I can picture that scene. It was a bliss to see ur own paper boat sailing.

This particular part of my bachpan could be relate with the famous gazal of Jagjit Singh “wo kajaz ki kasti, wo barish ka pani”

Truly koi lauta de wo din..!!!

And I realized that where the innocence is lost.We just have to find the happiness in the small small things..!!

Just wanted to mention an incident when I told my friend that I am gonna right something on "bachpan ke din" and he replied that then your blog would never end..!! because neha , u r still a kid..!!

My first reaction was that " how the hell he said this .. but then I was happy as sometimes I don't wanna grow up. Sometimes doing something kiddish makes me feel good..!!!

By the way how could I complete my blog without mentioning something “filmy”.. So here I start .. Do u guys remember the scene of Jab We Met when Geet asks Aditya to drown the girl’s pic and says even though it is kiddish u would feel better..!! And HE does..!

So people my message is never ever kill the little child inside u..

My life in Mumbai...!!!

My new blog is inspired by the movie Wake up Sid. Yeah by the way inspired is not the correct word, but you can relate it to the kokana's article "A new girl in the city" ... same is the case with me as I am also new to mumbai. J J

But unfortunately there is no Sid in my life and I don't live in that sea facing lovely flat. My experience is complete different.

So this blog is not about any love story or any professional struggle. Its about the different people and the changing times.

Here I start... by the way sometimes I sound so filmy. In my early blog too I had mention about rang de basanti movie. See I am so inspired by our bollywood movies and hero. Oops sorry if I am giving you wrong impression.. no no I didn’t relocated to mumbai for trying in bollywood. :P :P

Mumbai is the dream city for many of them and don’t know why I never used to liked it. When I got through the interview here due to some personal problems I had join it. I was consoling myself that I do have hell lots of college friends here. I am gonna enjoy and all. But the scene was completely different. Everyone out here is so busy that they don’t even have time for you. And you are lonely. You have to find your new friends. When you expect from your very good friends and they turn you down. U just start hating the place and you feel so lonely.

Imagine a life where u r shifted to new place. When ur old friends turns you down, When ur roomie is dominating, wen ur job is tedious and when ur health is not good. You have good earning but u spend more. You buy expensive and branded things and they do retard..!! what will you call such life.!!! Ofcourse hell .. rite?

I am living such life and still trying to find happiness in small small things. Trying to enjoy what I have. Spending time for myself so that I feel special. But nothing is helping more..!!! Leave it. Thats my destiny and it will change soon.

Wondering how the life changes. Once you leave your nest(home), you think you ar a free bird, you can fly high now. But the bitter truth is as soon as you take off ... You have to bare the burden of many responsibilities. And these responsibilites increases day by day....!! and soon you realize that now its time to build our own nest and settle down.

Therefore my mind says me that if you have so many problems why not get married and settle down. And for girls this is the best option. Isn’t it?

The groom hunting for me started. My weekends in Mumbai was booked for the blind dates arranged by my parents..!! I know it sounds weird but yeah I call them blind dates only. And these are sometimes so boring that you just want to run away but you can’t. The painful part of this date is you can’t be yourself. You have to show you are so perfect. You have to talk about good things and be formal.

Soon I realised what the hell I am doing? If I am not able to handle things or if I am feeling lonely then will marrying someone will solve the problem?? Isn’t it like running away ? I should have courage to face them. Getting married is not wrong but I should have a better reason for it.

Wondering , earlier I was a care free bird. I never used to think seriously about myself and my life. But now the times are changing. I used to crack stupid jokes and used to do stupid things...!! now I am getting serious. Y?

I must say everyone should spend time for themselves to realize what we always wanted to do and never did it. To realize still the sky is open for us. To realize that its your life and you have to take your own decision. To realize that one day you will get what you want. To realize that money is not everthing. To realize that hardwork always pays you back.

And this new city taught me big lessons in small span of time.